Friday, October 28, 2016

Why Do You Want To Be Happy?

As you can see by the title of this I am going to try to answer the question of "Why do you want to be happy?" I was first posed this question in my philosophy. Now before I go on you must know I HATE my philosophy class, like its literally the worst. But in this one moment I happened to be paying attention and my professor posed this question to us. I then went back off in thought and pondered this question myself for multiple days now.

It is a tough question to answer and I am almost positive that there is no exact conclusion.

I wanted to actually see what others thought about this so i went to my good friend google and researched it, again this is not a school assignment, I am doing this out of genuine curiosity. Here is what I found:

Aristotle happens to be the biggest brain behind this philosophy. Were learning about him in class, and within my research Aristotle believes that happiness is only achieved with a fulfillment of conditions not only physical but mental. Aristotle says happiness consists in achieving, which I love. It seems like he is basing it off of achieving your goals and succeeding in them. I agree but I also do not. I love that it is believed believing and reaching your goals can make you happy, but I also know that things are not permanent.

For example, say your goal is to graduate college (aka my goal) and 4 years later you have a college degree hanging up on your wall. Your goal is complete you are happy, but are we ever fulfilled? I believe we aren't. As humans we are always trying to reach goals. When we finish one goal we move on to the next. It is just temporary happiness isn't it?

It seems simple when you think about it but it really isn't. Overall, I do not think anyone has the correct answer to this question, but I'm going to give it my best shot:

I want to be happy and to be able to say 'I had a great life.' I feel like if we are okay and at peace at the end of our lives that is happiness. I want to be happy because happiness is something that enlightens the soul and radiates everywhere. I want to be happy because the opposite of that is sad/depressed and that doesn't sound like something anyone wants to be. I want to be happy because why would I want to be anything else?

I am not sure If I ever will find complete happiness and I don't know if you will either. We cannot tell the future and we cannot take guesses. It sucks that the future is unknowing and it isn't something we can change either.

Overall I hope you want to be happy and I hope you find it.

xoxo :)


Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Confused

I thought for the longest time I knew what I wanted to do with my life.

My junior year of high school I was put into a class that was my last choice for my scehdule, creative writing. I didn't expect much out of the class but a couple of half-assed poems and a short story or two. However, after a few weeks sitting in a stuffy room my mind changed. I started to enjoy it. I started to believe in my writing skills and enjoy putting words on paper that mean something.

I started to think that college was coming up and that I didn't want to be that person at gradaution with 'Undecided' showing under their name, it just felt embrassing and lazy. So I started to think I kinda need to decide what I wanna study in college.

By the end of the semester I knew what I wanted. That creative writing class changed my life. It gave me the thing I've been looking for for what seemed like forever, answers. I finally decided I wanted to be a writer. This was all thanks to my awesome teacher Mrs. Roberts :) I loved how words could inspire people and I wanted to do just that, make someone believe in something.

I felt so accomplished and ready to take on college because i knew the field of study I wanted. I knew what I wanted to strive for and what I wanted to accomplish. This feeling lasted for 2 and a half years. The feeling of knowing and possibilites.

I went to college in the major of English- creative writing. I thought that was perfect because the class that made me take this was in fact a creative writing class.  I thought this would be a perfect fit and I'd be on the path of success. This only lasted a month.

I started to fall out of love with writing and I lost inspiration. I felt like my light started going out and I didnt know how to reignite it. I was so confused and asked "Why do i feel this way, I love writing?!" I started questioning everything I believed for the past two and half years. I felt lost.

My nights and bursts of inspiration came to me less often and I felt pity. I didn't like this feeling. I hadn't written on my blog in forever or really journal as often. I didn't feel like me. Within my classes I felt forced to like English becasue every 5 seconds the teacher would say, "You're an English major so you have to...." blah blah blah. Everytime she brought it up I would cringe at the fact and I couldn't understand why. I love english, its always been my favorite subject even when I was growing up, so i really couldnt wrap my head around my thoughts.

I started to feel like English was no longer just MY thing. I knew it always wasn't just my fortay but somehow I believed it was always soemthing personal within me, like my own little secret garden I could escape to when feeling sad. I started to feel like people were invading that garden and killing all my flowers and plants that resembled my thoughts and opinions. I no longer felt like I had a passion for the subject and I am a passionate person, you guys know that. I did not feel like myself.

I knew something had to change, but I wasn't sure what or how to go about finding out. At first I started talking to friends in my classes that also felt the same way and planned to switch majors. I thought hey maybe I should try that. But again I was still stuck. What was I supposed to switch to? If I thought I wanted to be a writer for so long, how am I supposed to know what I want to switch to before next semester. Dont forget that the first semester is halfway over and Im running out of time.

I panicked. I didn't know who to ask or who to go to because I am the only one who knows what I truly want. I started to ask my dad and he said English teacher and I thought, maybe, but do I really want to deal with kids? I wasn't quite sure.

I think my biggest delimma was the fast I didn't know what else I liked enough to possibly make a carrer out of it. So i pushed it away, the thoughts and feelings that encompassed it. I decided to throw myself into things to get my mind of it, like painting. I started painting a lot more and then reading more books. I wanted my thoughts to float somewhere else for awhile.

Then I got an email from my academic advisor that made the thoughts come back. I had to figure it out before spring semester scheduling. After weeks of thought and serious stress, I finally decided.

Communications is the major I'll be switching to my sophomore year of college. I decided on this for many reasons:
1. It is broad, meaning it has multiple options for after graduating. It gives me more options to choose from within the college.
- Although the thing that sucks is it seems that all we think about when going into college is how is this gonna land me a job once i graduate. Instead of studying what you truly enjoy.
2. It something I was debating about earlier - Funny thing is I thought about doing this as my major going into my freshmen year anyway so in a way it kinda worked itself out.
3. I enjoy talking - This kinda speaks for itself. It is the college of communications and you can learn a lot from that and make a job out of that and speak your mind.

Overall I feel way better now as I am typing this. I feel like I see my true path up ahead on the road of life. I just happened to take a short detour that I dont at all regret. I learned a lot throughout the time I was in english and i appreicate the teachers I had. They taught me things I never expected.

I now feel inspired and better about myself then I did 2 months ago. I'm starting to feel like myself again and I feel blessed.

Do not be afraid to switch things around. It is going to be scary, but life is scary. You can't go you're whole life without taking risks, there would be no fun in that!

So challenge yourself to take a risk whether it be big or small and always remember to be yourself and be brave!

xoxo Haley


Monday, October 17, 2016

Book Nook

You guys it seems lately I have had more time to read books and it makes me oh so very happy! This book was one of those that i couldn't and wouldn't put down. It was one of those soft romance novels that sorta are predictable, but they always have a twist. To me they truly never get old.

The book this time round is, "A Totally Awkward Love Story" by Lucy Ivison and Tom Ellen. I was very curious on why there were 2 authors but I was answered at the end of the novel, in the back of the book. Lucy and Tom happened to have been a couple in high school and now are still really good friends. So they decided to collaborate on a book and recreate their high school romance with the characters of Sam and Hannah. Lucy wrote Hannah's parts in the novel and Tom wrote Sams. I thought that it was so clever because you truly get two different perspectives on the characters, since they were written by two different people. Neat!

This book had me reading soooo fast. The chapters were on the long side, but i felt like they were over in 5 minutes. Every page had something exciting it whether it was good news or bad news for the characters. Sam and Hannah have never met until they bump into each other at a party and it feels like they found their 'lobster.' Let me explain.

Apparently Lobsters mate for life. So when they say "I found my lobster" it basically means i found the person i want to be with forever. Its ironic because i recently just finished the show Friends and phoebe, one of the characters, says that about Ross and Rachael and I'll never forget it. I thought it was so quirky and cute to have that in there as an ongoing theme.

Please pick up this book whenever and where ever you can! It is a quaint little novel filled with awkward romance that you yourself will fall in love with.

Favorite Character: This was a tough one. As i was reading i was trying to decide who i would write for this part of the blog. I decided on Hannah because she reminds me so much of myself. A nerdy girl who cares about grades, books, and if she'll ever find love. It is amazing how much i connected with her throughout the novel.

Favorite Quotes: "Maybe nothing feels that epic when you're actually living it."

"I hate it that now people are constantly expecting me to have become something. And like I'm a failure because I just haven't."

"I think loving someone because they love you is selfish, I went on. It's spineless. It's like only admitting you want someone once you know they want you."

"I miss the times when it was acceptable to like music on the charts." THIS IS SO TRUE. What happened to that??!!

"Maybe friendships actually end when neither of you has anything to say anymore."

"The bigger the obstacles, the more you're meant to be together, I reckon."

"I'm sorry I got mad. Life just feels so hard.
Sometimes it is."

"It's weird to think of my room being empty when I go. Of things getting dusty. Everyone says you shouldn't go home in the first semester because it makes you homesick. When I come back at Christmas and climb into my bed I will be different. I will have changed. It should be exciting, but it makes me scared. Like I want stasis. Everything to freeze. I don't want to forget how I feel now."

"I don't understand why parents do this. I've already let myself down -- do I really need the burden of knowing I've let someone else down too?"

"If I had no future, why should I worry about the present?"


Friday, October 14, 2016

Book Nook

Guys this book has been raved about for MONTHS AND MONTHS and i finally read it! It is "Milk and Honey" by Rupi Kaur. It is such a heart wrenching book or poems. The poems are divided into 4 parts: The loving, the breaking, the hurting, and the healing. Each section is heartbreaking but also healing.

It is awesome because the author wrote these poems based on her own experience, which is so brave and courageous and I love her for that. I don't know if i could post a whole book of poems based on my worst relationship experiences.

My favorite section was probably "The Healing" because it makes the book come full circle and after all the tears the early chapters made you cry, you get to smile and realize everything is gonna be okay.

I recommend this book for anyone going through hard times and wants a friend and someone who understands what they are going through. GO GET IT!

A lot of poems are SOOOOO good i cant put them all in this post. So here is some of my favorites i decided to share with you:

"i do not want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me
i want to be full on my own
i want to be so complete
i could light a whole city
and then
i want to have you
cause the two of us combined
could set it on fire"

"i didn't leave because
i stopped loving you
i left because the longer
i stayed the less
i loved myself"

"i don't know why
i split myself open
for others knowing
sewing myself up
hurts this much
afterward"

xoxo haley


Monday, October 10, 2016

Book Nook

Hey guys I have another book for you! It is titled "Just Ella" by Margaret Peterson Haddix. It is kinda of a fairytale/typical princess book but i dont care one bit! Besides it was more about her escape from the castle then loving her life as a princess.

It was such a fast read, but a quality piece of work. Ella is an amazing character with a lot of guts ans strength! I dont have much to say about this book because it is so short, but pick it up if you want a quick read! I loved it!

Favorite Character: Mary, the servant girl because of the way she was portrayed in speech and in personality. A shy little servant girl who helped ella in every way! I loved it!

Favorite Quotes: "People would rather people in fairy godmothers, and.... and... well, divine intervention, if you will -- than to think that you took charge of your own destiny."

"Surely I hadn't had a failure of love, only a failure of imagination."

"Love is a a wondrous thing. It moves mountains and stills a baby's cries. It beats inside every human's heart, yet is more precious than gold. It cannot be bought or sold or stolen. It keeps us alive."

"And if I'd learned nothing else from my life thus far, it was that you don't always end up where you think you're going."


Thursday, October 6, 2016

An Open Letter to the Person Who Just Got Diagnosed With Cancer

Hello and let me start off by saying I am so sorry. This is the shittiest situation that could ever come upon a person and you are the one chosen by some other higher being to go through this hell.

I got diagnosed just like you back in 2016 and it sucked so bad. I'm not going to lie to you or try to make you have pity on yourself because that is not going to get you through this. Getting cancer was the worst news of my whole entire life and I am only 18. I would always see those commercials on TV about childhood cancer and say I am glad I am not them and now look at me.

No matter what I said or did I couldn't have stopped it from coming and neither could you, especially if it isn't genetic. I feel your pain and the hell you will have to endure for the next 6 months of your life. You have to put your whole life on hold just for this bitch to push its way through and take over your body.

Again I am not going to lie to you one bit because through this process you are gonna be told some brutishly harsh news that you are not going to like. For one this is going to be FAR from easy and something you are going to have to fight through no matter the trials and tribulations that come along with it.

Do not be scared of the chemo or radiation, It is all to make you get better. Yes, there are some side effects that suck really bad but its all to help you so you must push through no matter what. You will be puking a lot in the middle of the night, lose sleep and lose your hair, and getting many pokes and pricks.

Therapy is your best friend. Talk to someone, paint something, pet something, read something. Do anything that will calm you or distract you throughout all this. It will make such a big difference in whether you have a good day or a bad one.

Don't be afraid to cry it is the most natural reaction to this situation, I cried of anger and sadness. Questioning so many higher beings and asking them why was it me. So cry or punch a pillow, slap something, scream. Do anything to express how you feel even if it is destructive.

It is so scary and no one else knows what you are going through except you. Do not let all the baggage that comes with this awful disease to weigh you down. Do not let it shut out your family or friends or your normalness. Do not let it drag your personality and humor into the ground with it either, Try to be as connected with people who love you as much as possible.

On the days you want to give up (and trust me there will be plenty of them) DO NOT DO IT! I am serious they're are so many people that care and love you that if you were to just let something like this to destroy you, you will regret it.

Lastly, I may not know who you are but i know exactly what this feels like and you can contact me if you want: email: osburn.haley@yahoo.com Also i believe in you so much. I know you are going to have all the strength in the entire world to get through all this bullshit. It is just a bump in the roller coaster of life and eventually you'll be off this ride and on to a better one. Never give up on yourself ever. Every single person is rooting for you.

I love you and I will see you in 6 months cancer free. Good Luck :)

Passion

Webster dictionary defines passion as "strong and barely controlable emotion."

I define passion as, something that oozes out of you causing you to become determined and fearless. 

I love people who radiate passion. If you're a passionate person about whatever it is you enjoy, odds are I'm going to like you. 

I am a very passionate person. When I love something I love it with every part of my being. I love reading, I love film, I love cats, I love volleyball, I love my friends, I love my family, and I love writing. These are things I am VERY passionate about. 

Some of those things I am lucky enough to have in my life every single day, but others not so lucky. 

It really sucks when you feel like you have something ripped away from you just because you got injured or sick or anything of the sorts and you are forced to stop. Yet others who can do those things don't have in passion in their eyes. 

I swear it's one of my pet peeves. Want something with all your heart you guys. Believe in something with EVERY. SINGLE. FIBER. of your being.  

It is such an incredible feeling to be passionate about something & love it so much it's all you can think, feel, dream, and talk about. 

Passion is one of my favorite emotions by far. If everyone in today's world was more passionate in kind ways and beautiful ways instead of passion towards hate or violence, then the world may have been a different world then what we see right now. 

We need more passion. 

Believe in your passions and they will thrive

Xoxo Haley