The last few days I have been getting super sentimental over the fact that the decade ends today. 10 years is a really long time and thinking about how fast it has all gone by has me thinking about a lot of different things. Some things including the people I met, the family I have lost, the struggles I have been through and gotten through, and so much more. I cannot believe it has been 10 years, it feels like 5, but I am 21 years old. At the start of the decade I was 11. I was naive, closed off to the world, and scared. I was in sixth grade and probably doing really poorly in Mrs. Gavagan's math class. I was small and really didn't know what living was like. All I knew was school at 7 am, volleyball, and hanging with friends. I didn't know shit about the world. A lot can change in 10 years though.
I remember being in middle school when the biggest thing I had to worry about was making sure on the last day of school I qualified for field day. I wanted to be out with the other kids playing with my team. Now, I worry about bills, graduating college, and finding my path in life. Those are on the complete opposite ends of the spectrum. One is playful and innocent, one is grown and bold. Except the thought of finding my path in the new year has me exciting something I haven't felt in this big of a way in a long time. I cannot wait to find where I am supposed to me and who I am supposed to become! It is an adventure I am ready for!
Something I have been thinking about is technology. I remember when it was nothing. They hadn't advanced very far and my phone included a phone where the keyboard had to be pushed up. We also couldn't get the internet on our phones and the most entertaining thing on the computer was the CD games our parents bought us or club penguin where you planned to meet your friends after school. It is crazy how far we have come since then. We can now access everything from one device. Don't get me wrong, it is incredible. It makes school, work, and life easier. But we have to remember, especially as technology advances, that we are people first. We are meant to interact and make real, in-person connections. Do not forget the ones you have right in front of you because you never know when they'll be gone. Find that balance, I know I am still trying to.
2019 specifically has been an odd year. I have had some really terrible things happen this year like losing my grandma and my friend or like going through a whole new cancer treatment process. But, I have had a lot of good things happen like seeing concerts of favored artists or traveled to new cities with new friends. I have made mistakes and made choices. I have been proud and I have felt failure. It has been a year of up and downs, but all of the decade has.
Not one single year has been perfect. We like to ignore all the hardship we have to find this perfect picture of our life, but that it just isn't true and I would hope we would all know this or at least learned it. Each year of the last 10 something has gone wrong and right. But that is life, ya know? Ups and downs, they say life is like a roller coaster and what a cliche that is. But most cliches are cliches for a reason right? And just because we go down, doesn't mean we fail or lose. It just means we have to work harder to get back up. Then the rewards will be so sweet, it will make all that hard work worth it.
I think a big thing I have learned over the last decade is that you have to work really damn hard to get where you want to go. Things do not get handed to you on this sliver platter, you have to figure it out. You are the only person who can cause your own success. You ace that test, you get that job, or you get out of that rut. YOU are the person you can count on. You are the one who creates their own success, not others. So, trust your gut and trust in who you are because at the end of the day that is who will always be there.
Like I said before I lost some things this decade including my grandma, my friend Sean, and my health. All of these happening within the last 4 years. It is crazy to me how much you can lose through your life time and then they are just gone. When I got sick in 2016 I lost my freedom, my health safety because at 17 you never assume that you will get an incurable disease. It ism't in the about-to-become-an-adult pamphlet. So I had to adapt and grow this whole new life. A life that I didn't ask for and to be honest I don't want. It has taken things from me, things I cannot reverse and get back. Not only that but in 2019 I lost two people I loved. My friend Sean, who I have known since I was 6. Too young, too precious. I love him and miss him everyday. I remember when I had a major crush on him and we had silly little middle school relationships. I will never forget the butterflies I felt as a little kid when he would talk to me. He taught me to laugh at things and to be kind to one another. We were friends throughout our lifetimes and I miss him more and more everyday. Then I lost my grandma on my mom's side. I haven't talked much about it because It just happened in December of 2019. It has been hard to not be able to visit her anymore, something we did so regularly. I remember at the start of the decade where all we would do was play go fish, war, and Yahtzee catching her cheating at least once. She used to stay with us for months and it is weird to think of not seeing her anymore. But I know she is happy, her and Sean. They found their way back home and I am sure they have met up with some of their loved ones in Heaven. I wholeheartedly believe that.
Like I said I have gone through a lot in the last 10 years, good and bad. But I think that these last 10 years have been wonderful. They have brought me so many good things like friends who I couldn't imagine my life without, a high school diploma and semester-away college degree, and beating cancer three times! I have never been more grateful for all the things that has happened to me. This decade has brought some of the best things including music, books, advancements, and memories. I will cherish the things I have experienced and learned forever. This decade has changed me. I have survived and I will continue to do so as many years as God will let me.
I want to take a moment to thank the people who surround me with so much love. My parents who never give up on me. My siblings who are always there for me no matter what. My extended family who never fail to check in with me. Rose who has never hurt me. Jessica who I lean on when times are tough. Sarah who gives me strength. Anna who no matter where we are shows me love. You guys are the reason I stay grounded. You are the reason I survive every single day. I love you all.
Lets make this decade the best yet. See you in 2020!
p.s more writing in 2020!
