An Open Letter to my Best Friend

Dear best friend,

As I sit here and write this I keep wondering how I got so lucky to get you as my best friend. There has been a lot of people in my life that haven't stayed around but you always have. You don't understand how much I appreciate you and your friendship.

You are filled with so much joy and love that it immediately is spread to everyone you meet. You have a smile that lights up a room & a heart too big for your tiny little body. You are a child of God that was brought to this earth to only do good things. You give strength to so many people including me. I'd be so lucky to become half the person you are.

You have stayed by me for some time now. 14 years is a really long time. You have seen me at my worst and been with me at my best. From early middle school days, to hospital beds, to cheering on the sidelines, you were always there. You believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. You loved me even when it was difficult. You held me when I cried and you listened to me when I just needed a friend. But most importantly, you never stopped being my best friend. You never gave up on me even when I was stubborn or being an idiot. You stuck around for 14 years.

You know me like the back of a hand. You know what I like and what I hate. You know how to make me feel better and put a smile on my face. You know when I need a shoulder to cry on or a friend to laugh with. You know my terrible sense of humor with hints of sarcasm and sass. You laugh at my stupid jokes and my idiotic side bars. You know me better than I know myself.

You have filled my last 14 years with complete and utter joy and beauty. You have given me memories I will never forget and will tell to my children one day. You have given me more love and care than any other friend I've ever come across. I know that as life goes on I won't see you as often but I know when I see you it'll be like nothing has changed. We will just pick things up where they were left.

No one can replace a person like you. You are a one of a kind human being that is a beautifully special woman and I'm just the lucky gal that got you as a friend. You will always be my best friend. I love you.

xoxo

Book Nook

Hey guys this next book that I'm gonna talk about is moving up on my favorites list. Honest to God, I could not put it down. I really loved it. It is called "Everland" by Wendy Spinale. The best way to describe it would be a twisted version of Peter Pan.

It is about a destructive captain named HOOK who bombs London and destroys what is left of it called "Everland." This virus called Hologia has spread and Hook stays in everland with his soldiers to try to find the cure because everyone is dying from it. So there are 3 kids: Gwen, Johanna, and Mikey and how they need to survive. Johanna gets kidnapped by the soldiers and HOOK and so Gwen needs to save her. So Pete and Bella find Gwen and help her out by giving them a place to live, The Lost City and help her try to save her sister.

I know that summary may have been sloppy but you need to trust me that the book is sooooo good. It has suspense, adventure, and beautiful relationships. I could not put the book down, I swear I read about 100+ pages in one sitting. Everyone needs to go to their local bookstore and pick it up.

The funny thing is that I probably would have never filtered toward this type of book in barnes and noble on my own, but I got this in a package for my birthday called OwlCrate. My friend signed me up for me and it is a monthly themed book package. The theme I got was dystopian and I thought I was screwed because they're not my favorite types, but I WAS WRONG. This book was amazing and has slowly moved up to my top 10 list. And that is not something to ignore.

Favorite Character: It is a tie between Gwen and Pete. Not only are they intertwined but they both have personality characteristics that I love. Gwen because she is brave and courageous and strong. Pete because he is sarcastic and loving and caring and also brave. These are qualities I hope to have one day and carry throughout my whole life.

Favorite Quotes: "The truth is much too painful."

"Survival becomes instinct and they lose what makes them, I don't know -- kids."

"A beauty that lies deeper than her appearance."

"Some things are worth risking everything for."

"It takes heart and strength, overcoming tragedy..."

"You don't have to see someone to know they're pretty. She could be uglier than a croc and still be pretty. She's nice, she smells of vanilla, and her voice is soothing. I think she's beautiful."

"I always thought the world couldn't hurt me if I was a machine."

"To die will be an awfully big adventure."

Please Help Me Tell My Story

I had cancer this past year and as an end of the year celebration I want to tell my story fully, almost documentary style. I really want to tell what happened to me and ask my family and friends to tell their perspectives. I want people to know that they aren't alone and that you should never give up.

I really want people to hear my voice. I am very passionate about film, I love it very much and that is one of the main reasons I want to do it. I want this video to be almost like an interview with friends and family who are willing to speak to this issue and that went through it with me and who faced the experience first hand.

I know it may bring up bad times but this video isn't to reminisce it is to share the tribulations we all had to endure to inspire anyone who may stumble upon it. I want it to be spread by everyone and it is my goal to do this by my one year anniversary of my diagnosis, January 28th because everything will have come full circle by then.

It is important to me that people hear my story and understand that everything will be okay in the end and if it is not okay, then it is not the end.

If you are willing to be in this video and answer questions and just talk openly in front of a camera please let me know. I already have some people in mind I want in it and I am hoping you are willing to help me spread this message.

Thank you and I love you all xoxo,

Book Nook + Cool Experience

Hello y'all today's blog is not going to be a regular book review. This time I met the author and that experience will be told in this post! Get pumped my little page turners!! Today's book is "It Gets Worse" by comedian, youtuber, all around hilarious human Shane Dawson. Yes I met him. 

First of all the book is amazing. It's funny and cute and makes you feel good about yourself, which I think Shane was going for. If you have never heard of Shane you must live around a giant rock because he is a BIG deal. He has been a youtube for over 5 years (not sure exact number) and he has written 2 books, this one being his second. "It Gets Worse" is a series of essays about his life and funny or tragic real life stories he has gone through. Honestly, his life has been rough but also not gonna lie some hilarious, whacky stuff has happened to him! It made a great sequel though.

Overall, the book was amazing It definitely deserved the New York Bestsellers title If i do say so myself. Now before I tell you some of my favorite quotes from the book, I will tell you about my Meet and Great experience with Shane:

I met Shane on July 25 of this year with my friend Rachel. Her and I are big fans of him and so we bought tickets and drove 2 hours to Cincinnati Ohio to see him for about 5 seconds. We pulled up to the bookstore at around 3 o clock and the meet and great didn't start till 7. So we found our spot by the outlet and awaited our king to arrive. Between the hours of 3 and 7 we did things such as, complain, snooze, read, painting our nails, and contemplating on buying everything around us. Anyways, once the wait was over we were in group L. We got in line around 7:45 and the line ZOOMED by. Rachel made me go first because she hates me. So when I got up there heres what happend per by memory:

Shane: Hi!

*me stands like an idiot* me: are you real??

Shane: *laughs*
Me: Hi i love you! *while hugging each other 

Shane: love you too! 

Me: lets take a cool pic! 

Shane: what should we do?

Me: you pick!
Shane: oh no girl Im out!!

Me *laughs and turns and just makes a move and he follows*

Shane: thanks! 

Me: thanks!

And that's my 10 second conversation with youtube sensation Shane Dawson. It was absolutely amazing and even though it was about 10 seconds it was the best 10 mississipis of my life. After that we left and searched for our pictures and held our precious signed books in our hands. We eventually went home and slept but meeting him was a solid time. Would totally do it over :) By the way I forgot I ate a jolly rancher earlier so you can see my blue tongue in the picture, greaaat. 

Also here is a link to the vlog I made while it happened: CLICK HERE

Favorite Quotes: "So yes, it gets worse, but you know what gets better? Your tolerance for bullshit."

"It's funny how fast money can change you, even when it's invisible."

"Because that's what love is: no judgement."

Book Nook

Hey book nerds! I am finally back with an upbeat post about novels and more fun things! Today's book is "My Life Next Door" by Huntley Fitzpatrick. It was one of those cheesy romance books, but those are my favorite kind.

This one was about a girl named Samantha who has a neat freak, crazy, politician for a mother. She also lives next door to the Garrets. A large family with messy yards and craziness happening 24/7. Then one day Jase Garret decides to climb up Sam's trellis in her room and the rest is history. It is a very cute story between the two and literally one for the books. It is also very cliche how it is the boy next door but honestly I wish I had that in my neighborhood.

I recommend if you like cute, cheesy romances like me. It is a really sweet story with a twist at the end ;)

FAVORITE CHARACTER: 1000% Jase because I love him and the way he acts is what I would personally want in someone I dated. He is sweet, caring, appreciative, and perfect. He takes care of Sam and that's what matters most.

Favorite Quotes: "This is my favorite technique too, silence so loud someone has to start talking to fill it."

"Who are these people, and why do they think their own opinions are the only right ones?"

"So what if Tim can't handle it? What if he just messes up?
We all deserve a chance not to, right?"

"The wrong people can lead you to make the wrong decisions."

"Tim, you've got to get over this 'everything's easy for everyone else' stuff. It's not true and it makes you boring."

"It doesn't go away because it's not your problem."

"She said we were rich in all the things that matter. I need to remember she's right."

"....and pretending everything's okay when it's not and just junk."

"The truth was just..... inconvenient."

Anxiety

Anxiety sucks. It is probably one of my least favorite things about myself. I get anxious so easily about the dumbest things and I am not gonna sit and here and say I don't cause that's not true. I want this blog to be all brutal honesty because if you have met me in real life, you know that that is how I am. I am a very brutally honest person whether people like it or not. I have taken medication for anxiety and I know a lot of people do. If you feel like you are someone who might benefit from that reach out to someone and ask for help. I can not stress that enough.

Anyway, for this post I wanted to get personal with you about my experiences and how I handle anxiety. For me I get anxious over small things like, homework, misplaced things, tweaks, being unorganized, and being unprepared and those are just a few examples. With this comes anxiousness and thoughts of failure or uneasiness, My biggest physical effect anxiety has on me is stomach aches. When I am anxious my stomach beings to hurt and I feel like I am gonna throw up. It is not fun and it makes me even more anxious because I really do not want to throw up in that particular situation. Anxiety is not an joke or it'd not something people just say, it is a serious thing that can screw with peoples lives.

Anxiety does have a sidekick which is a super power that toys with your emotions and your motivation. For example, when I become anxious I will lose all motivation to do anything important and my emotions will get the better of me. I will get angry with myself and pissed off. I do not understand why this happens but it is not really something I can control. However, I can lower the anxiety levels. Here's how I deal with anxiety:

I did a lot of these exercises when I was in the hospital because I would get such bad anxiety I would start to have panic attacks. So a lot of the times I would have my sister help me breathe in and out. This is EXTREMELY important because with a panic attack you aren't breathing normally. So she would help me with that. The other big thing I would do would be mindfulness which is to attack the problem head on and realize what is happening and just understand it and breathe. It was either with breathing or a written exercise given by my psychologist. Either way it worked most of the time. Now that I am at school and by myself it is a lot harder to use these exercises so I have come up with some on my own time. These include; reading, painting, comedy tv/movie/special, and basically anything to distract me from the anxious situation. I have found out that the more I just sit there and think about the thing that is making me anxious makes the problem worse. So I have learned to take me away from the situation for awhile and do something fun or that I enjoy and come back to the problem when I am ready.

If you have anxiety don't be embarrassed, it is a common thing and just because yours might be worse than somebody else's does not mean anything! You will be okay and get through it. Also nothing is as big as it seems! Just remember to find the ways that help you handle your anxiety and do them! Even if that thing is due in 2 hours, step away and a bad grade will not effect you in the long run. The most important thing is not grades, it is your health and that should always come first. So just breathe and believe you can do it and you will.

xoxo Haley :)

Why Do You Want To Be Happy?

As you can see by the title of this I am going to try to answer the question of "Why do you want to be happy?" I was first posed this question in my philosophy. Now before I go on you must know I HATE my philosophy class, like its literally the worst. But in this one moment I happened to be paying attention and my professor posed this question to us. I then went back off in thought and pondered this question myself for multiple days now.

It is a tough question to answer and I am almost positive that there is no exact conclusion.

I wanted to actually see what others thought about this so i went to my good friend google and researched it, again this is not a school assignment, I am doing this out of genuine curiosity. Here is what I found:

Aristotle happens to be the biggest brain behind this philosophy. Were learning about him in class, and within my research Aristotle believes that happiness is only achieved with a fulfillment of conditions not only physical but mental. Aristotle says happiness consists in achieving, which I love. It seems like he is basing it off of achieving your goals and succeeding in them. I agree but I also do not. I love that it is believed believing and reaching your goals can make you happy, but I also know that things are not permanent.

For example, say your goal is to graduate college (aka my goal) and 4 years later you have a college degree hanging up on your wall. Your goal is complete you are happy, but are we ever fulfilled? I believe we aren't. As humans we are always trying to reach goals. When we finish one goal we move on to the next. It is just temporary happiness isn't it?

It seems simple when you think about it but it really isn't. Overall, I do not think anyone has the correct answer to this question, but I'm going to give it my best shot:

I want to be happy and to be able to say 'I had a great life.' I feel like if we are okay and at peace at the end of our lives that is happiness. I want to be happy because happiness is something that enlightens the soul and radiates everywhere. I want to be happy because the opposite of that is sad/depressed and that doesn't sound like something anyone wants to be. I want to be happy because why would I want to be anything else?

I am not sure If I ever will find complete happiness and I don't know if you will either. We cannot tell the future and we cannot take guesses. It sucks that the future is unknowing and it isn't something we can change either.

Overall I hope you want to be happy and I hope you find it.

xoxo :)